Creating Lasting Change: Part One
4 Ways to Create and Examine Lasting Change
Dietary supplements, self-help books promising lasting change, gym memberships, storage containers… the list could go on and on. These products grab for our attention each January and with good reason. If it isn’t the excess of the holidays that creates a momentum toward change, then it’s the turn of the calendar to a new year that prompts you to consider areas of your life that could stand a bit of improvement. I’m not opposed to taking personal inventory, setting goals, or cultivating personal growth. After all, the hallmark of my professional field is change and transformation. However, I do think it’s worth pausing to reflect on the dynamics and motivation for change. Doing so helps you proceed in a more deliberate and therefore satisfying fashion. In making change, here are some thoughts on what to watch for and consider.
Lasting change happens incrementally and often at a subtle level.
One of the critical facets of the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM)—the modality I use when working with developmental trauma—is to reflect back to my clients when change is happening. For example, a client may share an exchange with a friend in which they’ve set and held a good boundary. We pause to reflect on how that’s different from a month ago, six months ago, a year ago, etc. We do so to allow the difference to marinate at an emotional, somatic and intellectual level. Why take the time? The reality is that when it comes to our own process, we may be too deep in the forest to see the trees. In other words, we’re not likely to notice subtle shifts when they occur. Add to that the common cultural expectation for instant or dramatic gratification and we’re even less likely to register the difference as change.
Just as we use tools like a scale or a ruler to measure small fluctuations, objective observations from a therapist, friends or family can help us internalize the sense that we’re achieving what it is we say we want.
When a desire for change is genuinely our own, motivation goes up and the likelihood of success improves.
Consider one of the goals you may have for 2020 and then look at what’s driving the desire. The more honest you can be, the better. Is it social trends? Parental expectations? Job demands? If so, the motivation is coming from an external agenda. You’re probably familiar with the somatic characteristics of these kinds of pressures. They may show up as a headache, a weight in the stomach or tightness in the shoulders. If you give them some mindful attention, you may even notice the sensations carry a “rule” you learned growing up. Some examples are “authority knows best”, “trusting your instincts is bad” or “beauty guarantees acceptance.” To make it more complicated, these introjects (ideas and attitudes unconsciously adopted from others) may have been at work for so long, you might simply take them for truth and not see them for what they are—outgrown identifications subject to change.
The bottom line is that outside agendas aren’t well received by our authentic Self and tend to garnish some resistance. On the other hand, if our motivation stems from an inner-sanctioned source—a place within us we know we can trust—then the outlook for lasting change is better.
Defining Trauma: What is Trauma?
Defining Trauma: What is Trauma?
As a trauma specialist, I’m often asked, “How do you define trauma?” Trauma is a word we hear and use often, but what does it really mean? Before defining trauma, it’s important to acknowledge that while tidy definitions are helpful, the essence of trauma is anything but.
Trauma is often explained through many lenses. My own understanding is influenced by the leading voices in the field of trauma theory and somatic psychology. These leaders include Peter Levine, Bessel van der Kolk, Larry Heller and Donald Kalsched.
Now let’s take a closer look.
Trauma happens when something is “too much”
Consider that at any given moment your mind, body and psyche are processing innumerable pieces of information. It makes use of what it needs and gets rid of the rest. Take your gastrointestinal system, for example. When you eat an apple slowly, you’re giving your body time to take in what’s useful and discard what’s not. Taking the time allows you to absorb and metabolize the fruit. Imagine what would happen if you hurried through not just one apple, but four or five. Or what if you swallowed a whole bushel of apples all at once? Not only is it impossible to digest, but all the organs involved would suffer serious damage and collapse.
This last scenario obviously couldn’t happen in real life, but the dramatization helps get us closer to defining trauma. An experience that is “too” anything for you to process (rapid, intense, terrifying, unexpected, prolonged, etc.) and that carries a direct threat to basic safety and survival is considered traumatic. The resulting effect is a fragmentation and shut down of your internal systems on a variety of levels.
To understand more about different categories of trauma, please read the next blogpost: “Defining Trauma: Understanding Types of Trauma.”
Learn MoreDefining Trauma: Understanding Types of Trauma
Defining Trauma: Understanding Types of Trauma
The next step in defining trauma is understanding types of trauma. Trauma categories make it seem like trauma can be neatly analyzed, which simply isn’t true. The reality of trauma is far more complex. An important part of trauma healing is psychoeducation. This means using our brain to understand the process that our body, mind and psyche are going through.
To understand trauma, it’s important to recognize the three categories or types of trauma:
- Shock trauma results when our self-protective responses (fight, flight or freeze) fail to protect us against a one-time event that threatens our safety and survival. Such events might include: an earthquake, hurricane or other major natural disaster; car accident, physical or sexual assault, acute medical intervention like a surgery, intubation or being placed on life support; and witnessing a violent act, to name a few. The impact of shock trauma is mainly to a person’s physiology (circadian rhythms, appetite, mood, etc.) and may even result in a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
- Developmental trauma is significant impact to the development of the personality during the critical stages of human development (conception to young adulthood). This includes chronic exposure to abuse or neglect, suffering debilitating loss (e.g., forced migration or the death of a loved one), being teased and bullied, living with a chronic medical condition, or experiencing war-time conditions during the critical stages of human development. The main impact of developmental trauma is primarily to a person’s identity, sense of worth, ability to engage with others and maintain healthy relationships. If developmental trauma is severe enough, it can result in a personality disorder diagnosis.
- Complex trauma is the combination of the first two categories and may include a diagnosis of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).
If you’ve experienced any of these three trauma types, you may be a good candidate for somatic therapy. Please reach out directly for more information and help.
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